The truth is I've been trying to write this for five minutes but a piece of toenail got stuck in my keyboard. I tried to get it out but in so doing instead aided it in its escape from my newly-manicured fingers so that now its rump is lodged under the '@' key - which,… Continue reading Day 7: Self-Care is not a euphemism for hair removal.
Allow me to set the scene. I don't believe I've done that before. What a terrible narrator I am. It is 20:51, I sit alone at my desk in the activewear I've been wearing since what feels like 2003 but is really just whatever day I arrived home, hungover - god, remember hangovers?! - to… Continue reading Day 6: Thursdays are for solo candlelit dinners and flirtations with classical music
I find myself looking forward to random people's morning stories. Hah, call my sleep-deprived but that reads as morning glory to me and I am at the stage of housebound, recycled-air inhalation insanity which makes that veeeeeeeeeery funny. Anyway. Pretending I'm not a nine-year-old boy who's just had his first erection - I follow one… Continue reading Day Four/Five: The cesspool of social media has me drowning
8.30 am I wake up, groan myself to movement, roll out from under the covers and, heavy from last night's snacking, heave myself to vertical. A lurch to the toilet and then I am seated at my desk, staring out at the mist, the dank dullness of early morning grey. Time to work. It is… Continue reading Day Three: Am I being bootycalled?
I cannot quite decide if rolling from bed to desk, hopping on a Zoom call unwashed and unbrushed but saved by the mercy of a laptop camera so bad my face is all but obliterated is the best thing that ever happened to me or the beginning of what I always knew would be an… Continue reading Day Two in the Quarantined House
And so I thought – in the truly despicable scourge of individualism and selfie-taking that have instilled in us a brazen entitlement to think that every mealtime, every fleeting synonym for a thought is worthy of comment I decided that now was a truly fantastic time for percolation (me) to meet isolation (all of ye) and inspire a creation.